Monday, December 30, 2013
ISLAMABAD: Thousands of Muslims in the capital city of Pakistan started rioting on the streets early this morning after a picture, titled “Panty burka. I look like Marty Feldman,” made its way to several Islamic web forums.
The picture depicts a young Southern woman, named Shinako Agogo, wearing her panties over her head, resembling Islamic attire for women.
“Death to Agogo! Death to her panties!” says one Pakistani local, as his wife stands behind him, nodding in agreement, wearing her burqa with pride. “We shall boycott Western panties until this Agogo is executed for her crimes against Muslim people and al-Raḥīm Allah. Allāhu akbar!”
The Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has demanded that the United States apologize for such an atrocity to occur, also demanding that they hand over Ms. Agogo so she can face punishment before Allah by the hands of his people.
As Muslims in Pakistan continue rioting, it is being reported that the nipples of Atheists everywhere are hardening by the hour. A fierce quarrel between an anonymous Muslim and the infamous biologist and author Richard Dawkins has since commenced on Twitter.
“Yes, my nipples ache every time I read of terrorists getting angry over childish bufoonery #justloveit #fuckallah,” tweeted Mr. Dawkins.
“@RichardDawkins i will make sre tht you’re corps will not reach hell until im done with u #wwad #myjihad #fuckcthulhu,” the anonymous Muslim tweeted in response.
It’s now being reported on the ground that the rioters are burning American flags, surrounding the United States embassy, believing Ms. Agogo to be a secret agent for U.S. imperialism.
An equally large liberal Muslim community in the United States, however, appears to not really give a shit. “They’re panties and this is America. What did you expect?,” said a local Muslim cleric in small town Dobson, North Carolina.
The cleric’s words made its way to the Islamic forums as well, which has only thrown gasoline into an already out-of-control fire in Pakistan. Shouts can be heard, “Death to the munafiqun! Away with their nifaq! Allāhu akbar!”
It is now unclear if whether or not the riots will ever clear up.